Parents:
Jan and Kyrstyna Vlok

Profession:
Research and Development
Revenue Manager

Age of parents:
43 and 38

Child’s name:
Connor Vlok

Age: 21 months

Is this your only child?
Connor is our only child but Jan also has a son, Naude, from his first marriage.

Diagnosis of child:
Achondroplasia: a form of dwarfism.
Robertsonian Translocation: Connor has 45 chromosomes, not the usual 46.

What are the biggest challenges facing your child on a daily basis?
At this moment his biggest challenge is his development and strengthening of his motor skills. Connor is more delayed than the average child due to the Achondroplasia but to add to this, when he was 4 months old he got bacterial meningitis, he was hospitalised for 5 weeks and suffered 3 small brain infarctions. This has caused his right side to be slightly weaker than the left side and has delayed his motor skills further. At 6 months old he had brain surgery to drain fluid from the frontal lobe of his brain, which caused him to lose control of his left eye. Connor has only recently started pulling to a stand but he still cannot sit unsupported or walk. As he grows up he will be challenged on a daily basis with things we take for granted, such as driving, reaching the tops of counters, walking far distances, he won’t be able to play any contact sports. People tend to compare themselves to each other and that is one of the hardest things I deal with personally, seeing other babies who are Connor’s age and they are so much more advanced and bigger than he is.

What are the happiest moments you have with your child on a daily basis?
Connor has been through so much, from such an early age and I really believe that this has given him a strong character. He is such a happy determined child and very social. He is developing the nicest personality and has a brilliant sense of humour. Each milestone that Connor achieves, such as waving or clapping, that most parents take for granted, are huge celebrations in our house. He babbles and sings all day long and is a joy to all around him. My mom looks after him twice a week, she takes him to the old age home and he charms all the grannies there, and they love him to bits!

Are you a single parent or married?
Married

Has your special needs child had an effect on your marriage?
He has had an effect on our relationship. Right in the beginning after we got Connors diagnoses I took the news extremely badly. Jan was more accepting but I was very depressed for a few months. When Connor got so sick with meningitis, Jan was overseas on business and I stayed with Connor day and night at the hospital. It was the fear of losing my child, which helped me, overcame the shock of his diagnosis. Nothing mattered more than him getting well again. I believe that after what we have been through with Connor our relationship can survive anything!

What has your child taught you about yourself, both positively and negatively?

Positively:
Connor has truly made us better people. He has brought such awareness to us about other children/families with children with disabilities. We are no longer so judgemental and far more accepting than we were previously. We don’t take things for granted anymore and realise that life is such a precious delicate gift.

Negatively:
This pregnancy was such a nightmare from start to finish; it has made me so aware and anxious about all the things that can go wrong. I think that is the most negative thing; if I were to have another child I would be worrying the whole way through!

Are your family and friends supportive?
The majority of our friends and family have been amazing. I did lose one close friend but I have made so many new friends that it has more than made up for it. In the beginning I was scared about how people would react to his diagnosis but so far we have not had any bad reactions. As he gets older it will get more difficult as his differences start to show more and people will stare and make comments but we will stare and make comments but we will deal with that when the time comes.

Do you take time out, if so what do you do to relax?
We don’t go away too often but we do relax over the weekends and go to the beach with the dog or we go to my brother’s farm for the weekend.

What has made the biggest difference to your child’s quality of life?
Connor is now in the Red Cross Childrens Hospital and Victoria Hospital system. We go once a month for physio and occupational therapy. This has helped him so much in his physical development. Next year he will start speech therapy. He has also started going to Cheeky Monkeys Play dates every week to play and socialise with other children, he absolutely loves this and he can watch and copy the other children and learn from them.

What is your dream for your child?
The same as every mother. We just want Connor to be happy and healthy.  I want him to have great friends, not be bullied at school because he is ‘different’ and to meet a lovely girl who will love him completely.