Parents
Kervin and Monica Govender

Profession:
Engineer
Lawyer

Age of parents:
39

Child’s name:
Rilee

Age: 10 years

Is this your only child?
No, a sister, Kesalya. She was born approximately 2 years later and is now 8. We chose to have our second child for many reasons. The one reason that stands out now (although somewhat selfish), was the need to have a support structure for our son. We firmly believed that the more love we surrounded Rilee with, the better off he will be.

We wish to point out that we had Kesalya without testing or screening for Down Syndrome, believing that we were prepared for anything that came our way. She is the best thing that has happened to Rilee. They love each other unconditionally.

Diagnosis of child:
Down Syndrome (Mosaic) which means that Rilee does have some degree of typically developing cells, the extent thereof, we will never know.

What are the biggest challenges facing your child on a daily basis?
Given the fact that Rilee has Down Syndrome, he naturally has a learning disability. He struggles to communicate at the level of other typically developing 10 year olds. On a positive note however, we are proud to share that his speech has improved vastly in the last year or so. He now effectively communicates his moods and needs and is learning to use prepositions more. He struggles with interaction socially and more than likely will gravite towards us, requiring our undivided attention, which sometimes does present difficulties.

What are the happiest moments you have with your child on a daily basis?
We are happy when he is happy. He is happy when he successfully completes his homework or any other task. We are delighted when he volunteers feedback, and has the confidence to speak in a crowd. He has just recently started reading and that is quite a milestone for us. We are especially thankful and grateful to his teachers and therapists at Unity College who have helped him achieve this milestone.

Are you married?
Married.

Has your special needs child had an effect on your marriage?
Indeed he has. He has no doubt inadvertently solidified our marriage. Having Rilee in our lives, we have more common goals between us. We have the same dream for Rilee and our family. We support each other so that when the one is feeling vulnerable, the other is strong. Whilst we support each other in our individual interests and goals, we nevertheless remain committed to also pursue our own interests and passions. We were fortunate to have a very healthy boy, so having a child with special needs has not resulted in either of us expecting the other to take time off from our respective careers. We continuously count our blessings for this very healthy boy of our ours. Ill heath is without a doubt our greatest fear and it’s never far from our minds.

Are your family and friends supportive?
Our family and friends are extremely supportive and protective of Rilee. In fact for many, Rilee is their “weak spot”. They love him endlessly and are always following up on his development and achievements.

What has your child taught you about yourself, both positively and negatively?
We have learnt that we aren’t as patient and tolerant as we thought we were. Rilee naturally lives his life at a different pace and for both of us, there has always been a sense of urgency and a definitive path. We have since learnt to accept that a different pace and a different path does not necessarily impact one’s life adversely. Instead it presents one with the opportunity to reflect and enjoy the simple things in life, like celebrating your child’s first drawing, spending an afternoon in the garden, or just simply appreciating nature.

Do you take time out, if so what do you do to relax?
We are extremely focused on our family and work, so we have committed to put more effort into our individual relaxation this year.

What has made the biggest difference to your child's quality of life?
The early intervention we have exposed him to. Rilee started physiotherapy when he was 6 weeks old. He progressed onto occupational and speech therapy from the age of 2.

We had him enrolled in mainstream Montessori from the age of 2. He has always been in school with his sister until the age of 8. 

At this point, due to the inability of the school to  accommodate him further, we were forced to enrol him into a special needs school.

Although a daunting experience for us at first (due to us not knowing any better), in hindsight, we should have looked into this earlier. We believed that it was unnecessary to separate him from his sister and other typically developing children, so for many years we put off special needs schooling. 

Now that Rilee is at Unity College, he is the happiest that he has ever been. We attribute this to his newly found sense of belonging and acceptance. He is now more comfortable and genuinely his true self.

What is your dream for your child?
Our dream for Rilee is for him to reach his full potential and for happiness to surround him always. We are working towards equipping him with the skills that will provide him with some form of independence. Whilst we have every intention to provide for him always, we believe that for his dignity and self worth to remain intact, we need to equip him with sufficient life and work skills to sustain himself.

Notwithstanding his disability we wish for him to see and experience the world. As his parents, we spend our days working towards this dream.