Parents
Morné and Shelley Foot
Profession:
Security contractor working out of the country.
Qualified as a Therapeutic Reflexologist & Meridian Therapist, however I have been unable to practise since Conrad was born.
Age of parents:
43 and 42
Child’s name:
Conrad
Age: 9 years
Is this your only child?
Yes.
Diagnosis of child:
Autism Spectrum Disorder.
What are the biggest challenges facing your child on a daily basis?
Autism is strange in that what was an issue yesterday may not be an issue today (we went from only eating the white of an egg to only eating the yellow of the egg in a couple of weeks).
I would say that anxiety is a major issue as it affects many parts of his daily life. He has encopresis where he holds in his bowel movements due to the anxiety of going to the toilet. Conrad is still in nappies and we are having to buy the XS adult diapers now that he has grown so much.
Conrad gets easily frustrated especially when his expectation doesn’t meet reality. He is a stimulation seeker which can be a problem as he seeks stimulation to the point that he gets a bit out of control which results in a meltdown. Conrad doesn’t have a problem with transitioning from task to task or being out of routine but we have huge issues when things don’t work such as a flat iPad battery or the internet has bombed out. He just wants things to work (which may well be a trait from me).
Education has been a challenge too, Conrad’s anxiety heightens at the mere mention of learning. It is because of that and the fact that he is not emotionally ready to go to a school without me nearby that we have gone with the homeschooling option. He has acheived huge goals in this area and has almost caught up to his NT peers on an academic level. Sadly, schools in RSA are not equipped to deal with the complexities of our children.
What are the happiest moments you have with your child on a daily basis?
Conrad gives me so many happy moments. When I see the look of pride on his face when he has completed a difficult task or when he gives me huge big hugs or kisses my hand, when we walk hand in hand in the mall. Conrad is very protective of me.
I love it when he comes out with absurd statements, insane questions and quirky comments, many of these feature as my Facebook status updates.
Are you married?
Married although I am pretty much a single mom for most of the year with Mornè being away. Every family makes sacrifices one way or another.
Has your special needs child had an effect on your marriage?
I wouldn’t say that it has affected our marriage, as every relationship will have it’s ups and downs with a neurotypical child or a special needs child. We don’t have enough time together - Mornè’s work sees him out of the country most of the year and it is not easy to find a reliable sitter when we do have the time together.We are both very committed to our child and know that Conrad needs us more than anything else right now and have made the necessary sacrifices to help him. Morné is a bit of a helicopter parent (the ex policeman in him) and I’m more watchful and quiet with him - waiting to see where Conrad will go.
Are your family and friends supportive?
Our family and friends are the people who get me through the dark days and laugh with me on the good. The people who were not accepting of Conrad and of who he is have been removed from my life. I share all my son’s accomplishments with my friends and family on a regular basis.
What has your child taught you about yourself, both positively and negatively?
On the positive side, I have learnt such a lot: don’t sweat the small stuff, choose your battles (and other clichés). I think (and I know of many family members who would vouch for this) I have calmed down and learned a great deal of patience. I now look at life, children and raising children in a complete different light to how I did pre-Conrad.
On the negative side: I have unknowingly lost a lot of who I am as an individual due to the constant demands, worries and decisions that need to be made. I no longer just see me as one person but as two.
Do you take time out, if so what do you do to relax?
Is this a trick question? I didn’t know that was an option.
Seriously though, I seldom do get a dedicated time for myself. I love buying and collecting books - I love to sit and read without any distractions, I enjoy the occasional movie and absolutely love the new colouring-in fad at the moment. Annie Sloane’s Chalk paint has been known to make me lose track of time and space. A cup of coffee with a friend has also been known to cure most side effects of feeling sorry for myself.
What has made the biggest difference to your child’s quality of life?
We call our son Conrad the Brave because we always push him to and beyond his limits. I try to teach him that if there is anything in life that he wants, he needs to go and get it. I try and demonstrate this to him by taking him zip lining, horse back riding or snorkelling with the wild dolphins in Mozambique. I am constantly reminding him of how proud I am of him.
What is your dream for your child?
A society where he can be the individual person that he is without any discrimination or being ostracised. Conrad has many visions of what he wants to do and be in the future and I would like him to follow through with those dreams and not let any self doubt taint his focus.
Most of all I would like Conrad to grab hold of his ‘diagnosis’ and own it, show the world that when you believe in yourself, nothing will get in your way and that being autistic is just a different way of ‘being’ and we need these kind of people in our world. Conrad exhibits so much love, understanding and compassion, it would be a shame for people to lose out because they are afraid of his autism.
