Parents:
Shaun and Leigh Murphy

Profession:
Retail store manager
Marketing manager

Age of parents:
35 and 36

Child’s name:
Nicholas

Age: 9 years

Is this your only child?
Yes.

Diagnosis of child:
Nicholas has been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum.

What are the biggest challenges facing your child on a daily basis? 
Communication can be tough for Nicholas; he was completely non-verbal until the age of 4. He is doing really great now, but certain things are still hard for him to explain verbally. Nic also struggles with sensory issues and on particular days they can be overloaded and set off by different things it could be sound, a texture or even visual cues. This can cause a meltdown or behavioural stimming. Social interaction is also tough for Nic, so play dates can be different but he has really begun to come out of his shell and enjoys the company of other children...even if he is simply playing near them as opposed to full on interaction.

What are the happiest moments you have with your child on a daily basis?
Shaun
I love to play with Nic, he has a wonderful imagination at the moment and loves to re-enact scenes from his favourite movies. We chase each other around the house and garden pretending to be dragons or monsters. The verbal interaction we have during these moments really puts a smile on my face!

Leigh
Bedtime cuddles once Nic and daddy have gotten rid of all their energy. Nic warms his little feet against me while I read my kindle and he looks at pictures. It’s our special alone time.

Are you married?
Married.

Has your special needs child had an effect on your marriage?
Shaun
After the initial diagnosis, we were both thrown into this sea of autism...therapies, theories, treatments, schools. Having a conversation about anything other than autism was like finding a diamond in the dirt. For a little while we became “the autism parents” and weren’t Shaun and Leigh anymore. I have a wonderful wife however, and we worked through it and have come out stronger for it. 

Leigh
For a long time we were both focused on how to “fix” Nic. Now that we’ve embraced autism as being part of his quirky personality, it’s easier for us to focus on having a healthy relationship and to be better parents for Nic. It’s hard letting go of your hopes for your child and I found myself taking my resentment out on Shaun. All I know now is that Shaun is the kindest, most patient person I know and I can’t imagine raising Nic with anybody else. We’re a very blessed family!

Are your family and friends supportive?
We are lucky enough to be surrounded by the most beautiful people in our lives who love and care for Nicholas and are willing to offer support at the drop of a hat.

What has your child taught you about yourself, both positively and negatively?
Shaun
Nicholas has taught me to appreciate life’s simple pleasures, if you are feeling happy then smile if you are feeling sad then be sad. Be true to yourself...also I have the patience of a saint, while at the same time a fuse that is getting shorter and shorter. Perhaps, I also have a mild obsessive compulsive cleaning disorder - usually Lego blocks.

Leigh
Nic has taught me how much I appreciate peace and quiet but I guess any parent of a neuro-typical child would share my sentiment! Jokes aside, I love that being around Nicholas has taught me that there is always more than one way to interpret every interaction and situation. He has a fresh outlook on the world that is both entertaining and humbling.

Do you take time out, if so what do you do to relax?
Shaun
I like to stay active and enjoy riding a unicycle.

Leigh
Yoga and reading mindless novels seems to keep me sane. We are also a very sociable family and often entertain at home or visit friends.

What has made the biggest difference to your child’s quality of life?
Shaun
Nic attends a school specialising in autism (FaeryGlen Therapy Centre). He attends OT, Speech therapy, eats a special diet and the list goes on. All of these help him in coping a little better in society...it’s a lot for the little guy, so I think I have learnt over the past couple of years to let go a little, give Nic some space and the ability to learn and do things for himself. He loves doing things for himself, “like a big boy” and it has helped his confidence for sure. 

Leigh
Shaun’s answer made me laugh! He’s had a hard time letting Nic grow up and do big boy things. I can’t help but believe that all the love Nic has been smothered in has made the biggest difference. Anybody that has met Nic will tell you that you can’t help but fall in love with him and all this love has turned him into a loving, confident boy.

What is your dream for your child?
Shaun
To be happy, to be loved, to love and to be independent. Hopefully follow one of his passions, which at the moment happens to be sculpting incredible Dragons using nothing but Prestick.